Sunday morning coming down..
I like the picture of the Jaguar... There's something about the expression on that face that looks so human. I don't know why, but it sort of reminded me of myself...
Anyway.. Well, Saturday was a wash as far as productivity goes. It was a rainy, cold, and messy outside the apartment. Really dreary. I had all sorts of things planned for the day to get accomplished, but the weather made me just lounge around, and head back to bed..
OK, I know that the weather really had no bearing on what I did during the day, but its an easy scapegoat.. It's just so damn easy to head back to bed when the skies are rainy and grey. I carried out the trash, picked up a bit, and called it a day. Pulling the covers over my head has become far too easy.. It's an excuse to just sleep away the day.
I'm just on this introspective burn right now. It's hard to describe.... I feel a stirring inside me that makes me want to shed my skin like a snake, and be reborn.. I just want to cast everything off of me and start it all over, one more time. Make my life over again in a new place where nothing, and no one really knows me..
It's like the current existance I have has gone stale, like milk left out on the counter overnight. No matter how you try to mask it, it's just gone bad and you need to replace it. Anything less than that is only going to make you sick..
Hopefully, I can do just that in the near future....
Comments
"Make my life over again in a new place where nothing, and no one really knows me..."
I think everyone feels this at one point (or more) in their lives. How cool it would be if you could actually follow through and be the one that packs it all up and starts life anew.
I apparently need more coffee - I'm having visions now of you carrying forth the flag... breaking through the barriers...
carrying the soul of the team to victory and FREEDOM.
ummm, yeah - crawling back into my stoopid hole to suck down caffeine.
you're special.
Don't ever forget that. No matter whats going on in your life.
K?
Ahhhhh...slept IN this morning. Felt oh so good.
I really loved the jaguar picture. So did my little monitos who look over my shoulder as I write, often, in the morning.
You know, I lived in the same house for 18 years when I grew up. How I longed for a new start. I just wanted to be somewhere where I wasn't Mr. M's daughter (everyone knew my father from school), where I could break loose a bit, create my own identity and be me.
Went to University and, by the end of four years there, I was ready to move on and do something else.
Went to Japan for three year6s and, by the end of that was ready to move on and find myself elsewhere.
Went back to Oregon for re-entry for about 6 months then headed to New Orleans. 2 1/2 years and I was ready to leave.
Back to Oregon, out to Sweden, back to Oregon, out to the East Coast...now I am trapped and can't get out! I don't really search for that place to "start over" again since, with children it is impossible to completely clean the slate...and I do not want to uproot them now that they are creating their friendships and discovering who they are and are not shy. But I would love to for me...
...or would it end up that I would sit my life away inside my house, afraid to leave, afraid to meet new people and afraid of living Life again?
Hard to answer. But please trust me when I say I understand deeply that stir deep in your being that says, "Ya. Basta. Enough of this."
The little monkeys are begging me to go back to the jaguar picture now...must comply...or I will be assimilated... aaaaaggggghh!!! (mommy being wrestled down by two little monitos...! HELP!)
Be well, Windrider.
Yeah, I've been told THAT before.
Life is life...we deal. Everyone has issues and challenges to overcome. Some more so than others.
Which is why having friends to hug you is so important.
Thanks Wabli. You're ...uh... special too. In the non-specialEd way.