On keeping what you catch... And knowing when to release..
A Post on a friend's website ( Lakota Princess ) really made me think this afternoon when I read it. The original post was a music video by Seether, which was very good. But, it was the comments on it that really made me start to contemplate the whole issue of the reality of people's actions in a relationship, and how they portray themselves to not only their partner, but the world around them. What someone is actually like, and how they present themselves can in a lot of cases be night and day..
What you see, is not what you may necessarily get.. At All.
I'm a firm believer that when you first meet most people you aren't really meeting the real person. In Fact, far from it.. Who you meet initially is nothing but their Authorized Sales Representative.. We all want to put our best foot fore ward. So, we gussy up and put on an act for whom we desire to one degree or another. Some lay it on thick, some not so much but for the most part 99.9 % of of us "kick it up a notch" when we are trying to woo someone else.
Really.. Think about it for a minute. We are ALL guilty of it.
It's a response that comes to us, and all creatures genetically. Peacocks fan the feathers, deer snort, and lock horns, female primates "present rearward", and on , and on. We all make ourselves as attractive as we possibly can to the object of our desires, period...
We humans do this BIG TIME, and in a much more complex manner.
When we first go out with someone we make absolutely sure that we are put together well. Ironed, starched, coiffed, and smelling good.. We get haircuts, wax, shave, etc..
Shit.... What guy hasn't spent an hour cleaning out his car/jeep/truck the day before a big date? We toss old beer cans, fast food bags, old gym socks, and mountains of shit into the nearest dumpster, then head to the car wash to vacuum, spray the tires with Armour All, and put an air freshener in it. Hell, we might even wax it!
Heaven help us if the date is coming over to our place for the first time!! ( Male or Female ) Vacuums that haven't been used in weeks/months are fired up.. Toilets are scrubbed, floors mopped, sheets changed, dirty clothes and shoes that have lain on the same spot on the floor for months are picked up, toilet paper in put on the holder, candles are lit, etc..
Then we sit back and act like this is how we live every day. Which isn't true at all. I think that deep down we all know this, however it's part of the game.
But the problem is that some folks carry the act WAY too far. That's where the game gets shady. We can totally pretend to be something that we aren't and get away with it for a limited amount of time. By limited I mean that it could be a night, a month, or in some cases, years.. And this is where the damage happens.
But the blame lies with both parties.
Now, before anyone cries out to have me burned at the stake, let me clarify that..
We all put "doll clothes" on the objects of out affections at times . We see what we want to see, and what they sell us rather than looking beyond the facade and seeing who they really are.. I'm guilty as hell of doing this in my past.
We all are..
But, eventually the truth starts to become rather evident. Once the Limmerance phase of the relationship is over, the paint starts to peel off, and we can see what really lies beneath. More often than not, it isn't what we expect at all. In fact, it can be exact opposite of the person we have come to know and love. We've been sold a bag of bullshit, and now we get to smell it for the first time. And everything changes..
One day, the romantic, flower sending, thoughtful, knight in shining armor, turns out to be a self centered, narcissistic prick, who all of the sudden can't raise the seat or flush the toilet. He farts in bed, leaves his dirty clothes on the bathroom floor, and never raises a finger to do a thing around the house.
Likewise, the beautiful, sexy, creature that used to have incense burning, and nothing but on but a garter belt and 4 inch heels when you walked through the door, now only wears sweatpants, wears no makeup, and has her hair up in a bun. No more sexy treats, or intimate whispers. The days of her sitting in your lap, with your arms wrapped around each other as you nibble and kiss are long gone. She nags, she whines, she thinks only about herself and her needs. She tries to drag you to mindless, soul crushing outings with her friends.
This is the time to make a decision.
But sadly, most of us don't. We scrunch up and hold on for dear life We delude ourselves into thinking that we can carry all the load, or that the other person will revert back into the "dating phase" version of themselves.
But they won't , and more than likely never will.. Because they really aren't the person that we were told/convinced they were.. But we keep holding on. All the while the resentment just grows like a weed in our hearts, choking out all tender feelings until only bitterness and hurt are left....
I guess the bottom line is that we need to learn to see beyond the limmerance, and really learn the person.. And above all else, to be honest with ourselves. More often than not, we all get a little nagging feeling when somethings not right. Like a little voice whispering to us that something is amiss. We need to become strong enough to acknowledge, and listen to the inner warnings we are all issued. Regardless of the feelings that are involved.
But moreso than that, we need to learn to be ourselves.... Don't sell anyone else a false product, and don't accept one from anyone else. Period..
All this false advertising has got to stop.
I guess that's why I'm on a self imposed hiatus from all that shit.. I'm learning to love myself, with all the flaws, blemishes, and bad habits. If I can't truly learn to love myself, then attempting to love another will result in nothing but failure, and heartache for both of us.
I can't be what you want me to be, or what I think you need. I can really only be myself when it's all said and done. To try to be anything else will only eventually result in me being found out as a fraud...
And the same goes for you....
What you see, is not what you may necessarily get.. At All.
I'm a firm believer that when you first meet most people you aren't really meeting the real person. In Fact, far from it.. Who you meet initially is nothing but their Authorized Sales Representative.. We all want to put our best foot fore ward. So, we gussy up and put on an act for whom we desire to one degree or another. Some lay it on thick, some not so much but for the most part 99.9 % of of us "kick it up a notch" when we are trying to woo someone else.
Really.. Think about it for a minute. We are ALL guilty of it.
It's a response that comes to us, and all creatures genetically. Peacocks fan the feathers, deer snort, and lock horns, female primates "present rearward", and on , and on. We all make ourselves as attractive as we possibly can to the object of our desires, period...
We humans do this BIG TIME, and in a much more complex manner.
When we first go out with someone we make absolutely sure that we are put together well. Ironed, starched, coiffed, and smelling good.. We get haircuts, wax, shave, etc..
Shit.... What guy hasn't spent an hour cleaning out his car/jeep/truck the day before a big date? We toss old beer cans, fast food bags, old gym socks, and mountains of shit into the nearest dumpster, then head to the car wash to vacuum, spray the tires with Armour All, and put an air freshener in it. Hell, we might even wax it!
Heaven help us if the date is coming over to our place for the first time!! ( Male or Female ) Vacuums that haven't been used in weeks/months are fired up.. Toilets are scrubbed, floors mopped, sheets changed, dirty clothes and shoes that have lain on the same spot on the floor for months are picked up, toilet paper in put on the holder, candles are lit, etc..
Then we sit back and act like this is how we live every day. Which isn't true at all. I think that deep down we all know this, however it's part of the game.
But the problem is that some folks carry the act WAY too far. That's where the game gets shady. We can totally pretend to be something that we aren't and get away with it for a limited amount of time. By limited I mean that it could be a night, a month, or in some cases, years.. And this is where the damage happens.
But the blame lies with both parties.
Now, before anyone cries out to have me burned at the stake, let me clarify that..
We all put "doll clothes" on the objects of out affections at times . We see what we want to see, and what they sell us rather than looking beyond the facade and seeing who they really are.. I'm guilty as hell of doing this in my past.
We all are..
But, eventually the truth starts to become rather evident. Once the Limmerance phase of the relationship is over, the paint starts to peel off, and we can see what really lies beneath. More often than not, it isn't what we expect at all. In fact, it can be exact opposite of the person we have come to know and love. We've been sold a bag of bullshit, and now we get to smell it for the first time. And everything changes..
One day, the romantic, flower sending, thoughtful, knight in shining armor, turns out to be a self centered, narcissistic prick, who all of the sudden can't raise the seat or flush the toilet. He farts in bed, leaves his dirty clothes on the bathroom floor, and never raises a finger to do a thing around the house.
Likewise, the beautiful, sexy, creature that used to have incense burning, and nothing but on but a garter belt and 4 inch heels when you walked through the door, now only wears sweatpants, wears no makeup, and has her hair up in a bun. No more sexy treats, or intimate whispers. The days of her sitting in your lap, with your arms wrapped around each other as you nibble and kiss are long gone. She nags, she whines, she thinks only about herself and her needs. She tries to drag you to mindless, soul crushing outings with her friends.
This is the time to make a decision.
But sadly, most of us don't. We scrunch up and hold on for dear life We delude ourselves into thinking that we can carry all the load, or that the other person will revert back into the "dating phase" version of themselves.
But they won't , and more than likely never will.. Because they really aren't the person that we were told/convinced they were.. But we keep holding on. All the while the resentment just grows like a weed in our hearts, choking out all tender feelings until only bitterness and hurt are left....
I guess the bottom line is that we need to learn to see beyond the limmerance, and really learn the person.. And above all else, to be honest with ourselves. More often than not, we all get a little nagging feeling when somethings not right. Like a little voice whispering to us that something is amiss. We need to become strong enough to acknowledge, and listen to the inner warnings we are all issued. Regardless of the feelings that are involved.
But moreso than that, we need to learn to be ourselves.... Don't sell anyone else a false product, and don't accept one from anyone else. Period..
All this false advertising has got to stop.
I guess that's why I'm on a self imposed hiatus from all that shit.. I'm learning to love myself, with all the flaws, blemishes, and bad habits. If I can't truly learn to love myself, then attempting to love another will result in nothing but failure, and heartache for both of us.
I can't be what you want me to be, or what I think you need. I can really only be myself when it's all said and done. To try to be anything else will only eventually result in me being found out as a fraud...
And the same goes for you....
Comments
~nodding, sighing~
yes.
As for your final conclusions, you've realized the same thing I have. Ain't easy though, ya know?
xxx
Kota
Thank you, Windrider.
That way, we can start with the gritty stuff and then do the enjoyable part after.
If it works.
Unlike the make-up or fake boobs or fancy cars, our true nature cannot be worn outside for anyone to see. And if it were, chances are, our negative traits would shine brighter in comparison to our positive traits. Would a girl be attracted to guy who can wake up early to make her breakfast, but is a workplace bully? Would a guy approach a girl who understands his need to watch sport, but is an ice addict?
I would also like to point out that people can change over time and certain events that involve a romantic relationship can be a factor. It can be for better or worse, but change will always be a possibility. Maybe there are things that happen in a relationship that helps people discover who they really are, like opening a guy's mind to have him receive anal sex or helping a girl discover the wonders of video games. Or something deeper.