Just can't sleep..
After this morning, I came home and just rumbled around the place.
I didn't want to stay in, I didn't want to go out.
I didn't want to sleep, or think, or be anything but numb..
It's a feeling I remember well. I've just compartmentalized it, put it away, sealed it off. I guess I forgot what it was like to have death swoop past you, wink, and whisper in your ear.
It makes you want to vomit, but you don't. Theres a bitter taste in your mouth, but you don't puke. It just lingers there, like the muscle cramps in your stomach. You're thirsty, and hungry at the same time, but can't eat or drink..
I just can stop thinking that if i'd hit the gas pedal, rather than play with my radio, I'd be gone. The impact would have surely killed me.
But, I didn't.. And I'm still here. and I shouldn't even be thinking about this.
But here I sit at 3:54 am drinking vodka.. I know it's not a good thing, but I can't help it.
But, I'm still here..
I win.
I didn't want to stay in, I didn't want to go out.
I didn't want to sleep, or think, or be anything but numb..
It's a feeling I remember well. I've just compartmentalized it, put it away, sealed it off. I guess I forgot what it was like to have death swoop past you, wink, and whisper in your ear.
It makes you want to vomit, but you don't. Theres a bitter taste in your mouth, but you don't puke. It just lingers there, like the muscle cramps in your stomach. You're thirsty, and hungry at the same time, but can't eat or drink..
I just can stop thinking that if i'd hit the gas pedal, rather than play with my radio, I'd be gone. The impact would have surely killed me.
But, I didn't.. And I'm still here. and I shouldn't even be thinking about this.
But here I sit at 3:54 am drinking vodka.. I know it's not a good thing, but I can't help it.
But, I'm still here..
I win.
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