Thoughts on infidelity, causes and effects...

As you can probably tell by my last post, I was pretty pissed off today. I try not to let the actions of others get under my skin like that, but infidelity really burns my ass. The main reason being that I've experienced it first hand a few times, and it was factor in my divorce (among other things...) So it hits close to home for me.

To put it bluntly, people who cheat on their spouses, significant others, boyfriend, girlfriend ,etc are scumbags. Plain and Simple. There is zero justification for it, ever. It is an act of a coward who is considering only their own wishes and feelings, and to hell with anyone else and how it will affect them. These folks just do as they wish and leave in their wake heartache, misery, and destruction. The real tragedy is that it affects alot more than just a couple of people. Children are traumatized, families and relatives are torn apart and have to choose sides, friends are affected, finances, etc.

But it goes deeper than that.

The act of infidelity is due to of a lack of integrity within a persons character. There is no human being more utterly worthless to himself/herself and their fellow man than one without integrity within themselves. They are nothing more than biological refuse walking the earth.

Why?

Because If you aren't trustworthy, no meaningful responsibility, item of value, or tender emotion can be placed with you with any confidence that these things will remain intact.

Ever...

I firmly believe that the lack of integrity in our society has a definate negative affect on all of us as a whole. It mires us all down with the fly paper stickiness of having to be cautious all the time. We become suspicious of everyone, and everything to a certain extent. We reserve emotions, and words , and expressions of affection and acceptance of others until we have observed them, judged them, and deemed them worthy of our trust. And even then, there are different levels of trust each one of us issues other people aren't there? Some people are "aquaintences", "club buddies", etc. Others are issued emotional security clearances much higher. They are allowed into the inner chambers of our emotional being. We feel we can trust them with sensitive emotions and information beased on their what?

Integrity............

Dont believe me?

I bet you have a peep hole on your front door, and more than likely a deadbolt lock and chain, don't you? Why is that, I wonder?

Because we all need to establish identity, and a certain miniscule amount of trust before we open our doors to other humans.

Now, I really didn't mean for this to get into a social commentary, so back to the infidelity issue....

Infidelity is the absolute worst betrayal we can suffer in my opinion. Hey, if your wallet gets stolen, or someone steals your laundry out of a dryer, yeah it bothers you but it's not personal on a level like a person you trusted and cared for deeply/loved cheating on you. Not by a long shot. When you've commited to another person, and they to you and you've placed your highest level of trust with them and they violate that....

Well, thats like someone breaking into a bank vault in your soul, taking the most precious jewels you possess in your heart, and trading them for a lap dance...

The wounds inflicted are often times serious, and can in fact be fatal. I had a friend named David who had a girl he loved run off on him with another man. His method of dealing with the pain it caused him was to go out to the pool in the backyard of his parents house on Good friday 1993, place a shotgun barrel in his mouth, and pull the trigger. It was a shock to all of us. He was 33 at the time of his death. It took a long time to get over that one.

Sometimes the "walking wounded" aren't in much better shape. I've seen many people who were emotionally destroyed because of betrayal. They couldn't trust again, they became bitter, reclusive, angry people. In all honesty, I crawled into a bottle and didn't come out for a year and a half after my divorce. I danced on the edge of chaos for a while. And thankfully I never fell in.

It wasn't until I came to the realization that the cheating on my spouses part was due to lack of character, and integrity that I got over it. Although, I definately carry emotional scars from it and always will. I'm emotionally distant to a degree. I've become very intolerant of any form of trust violation, and I distance myself with the speed of light from those violators.

Which is why I'm single. I've put myself on hiatus for an indefinate period of time. Granted, this is largely so I can finish my education, work out, and accomplish things in my life that I've put off for a long time. But, there is a part of me that is being single because its safe.

But I digress....