Don't worry, I didn't Disappear...
I'm Still here.. I was just pretty freaked out by the guy in the SUV getting killed. ( it was confirmed a day later that is a a man that was killed )
I still shudder thinking about how it would have affected my family if it would have been me that was laying on a stainless steel refrigeration slide out table, pale blue, and wrapped in plastic. I can't even imagine...
I was telling my Father about it and he was relieved as well. Much more so than he let on. And then He summed it up in the stoic military manner he's always looked at death with for as long as I can remember.
"That other guy ran into his Golden BB..."
The "Golden BB" is a single bullet or piece of shrapnel that manages to bring down an aircraft and/or pilot that has survived numerous exposures to massive anti-aircraft fire without any real damage. It was how he and his fellow pilots rationalized one of their own getting shot down when he was in Vietnam. He sort of adapted it to mean anyone who dies out of the blue, especially traumatically. It's a saying I've heard all my life.
Some might say it's a callous way of "whistling past the graveyard". But I think the whole "Golden BB" analogy is pretty accurate, to be honest with you . When it's time for you to die, it's going to happen regardless if you really want it to or not. That's just the way it is. Very few of us are privileged ( or cursed enough ) to decide the how, and where, of when we die. It just happens.
I guess he was right. It wasn't my BB that was out there last week. I just had to shake it off, because if I had sat around and let it get to me, I probably would have freaked out, and melted down. I haven't been that close to instantaneous death in a long, long, time. I was truly shaken with the experience, and it really made me wonder how many "close calls" I have allotted to me before my ticket to the other side arrives. It makes you wonder.
You see, I take a lot of controlled risks in my life, some that have the very real potential of bodily injury and even death. My trips alone, miles out into the Everglades on my boat, the annual Alligator Hunts, and fishing trips way out into the wild places of Florida bay, and Flamingo.. But these are risks that I can mitigate. I can carry (and do..) survival gear, mosquito nets, water filter, etc. I have a certain amount of control over the outcome of these activities. It gives me a small feeling of control while allowing me to have the adrenaline rush of Risk.
The car accident however, was a completely out of the blue, random.
Like a bolt of lightning you never see coming until you hear the blast. I had zero control over it, other than buckling my seat belt when I left the restaurant. Those are the things that keep me up at night. It made me realize that despite what I do to protect myself, death can come at any moment. And all the life jackets, flare guns, and smoke grenades won't amount to shit if the "big chop", or BB with my name on it is headed my way.
It took a few days to shake it off. I really didn't go out or do much this weekend of last week. I felt safer in the house, and just played on the computer and watched TV. And then I realized I was acting silly.. When the Golden BB sets out to find you, it's gonna find you no matter where you are. You can't let that knowledge stop you from living.
The best way to live as I see it is to enjoy everyday for what it is. Even the bad days have some element of good in them. maybe its a soft pillow, or talking with a good friend or family member. It could be a sunset, or birds playing.. Whatever it is I'm making an effort to stop and just enjoy it.
Life is precious and fleeting, my friends. It can vanish in the blink of an eye. Tell the people that you love just that.. That you love them.
That has really been the biggest thing that's ran across my mind since the guy to the right of me caught his BB.
You just never know.. Peace...
I still shudder thinking about how it would have affected my family if it would have been me that was laying on a stainless steel refrigeration slide out table, pale blue, and wrapped in plastic. I can't even imagine...
I was telling my Father about it and he was relieved as well. Much more so than he let on. And then He summed it up in the stoic military manner he's always looked at death with for as long as I can remember.
"That other guy ran into his Golden BB..."
The "Golden BB" is a single bullet or piece of shrapnel that manages to bring down an aircraft and/or pilot that has survived numerous exposures to massive anti-aircraft fire without any real damage. It was how he and his fellow pilots rationalized one of their own getting shot down when he was in Vietnam. He sort of adapted it to mean anyone who dies out of the blue, especially traumatically. It's a saying I've heard all my life.
Some might say it's a callous way of "whistling past the graveyard". But I think the whole "Golden BB" analogy is pretty accurate, to be honest with you . When it's time for you to die, it's going to happen regardless if you really want it to or not. That's just the way it is. Very few of us are privileged ( or cursed enough ) to decide the how, and where, of when we die. It just happens.
I guess he was right. It wasn't my BB that was out there last week. I just had to shake it off, because if I had sat around and let it get to me, I probably would have freaked out, and melted down. I haven't been that close to instantaneous death in a long, long, time. I was truly shaken with the experience, and it really made me wonder how many "close calls" I have allotted to me before my ticket to the other side arrives. It makes you wonder.
You see, I take a lot of controlled risks in my life, some that have the very real potential of bodily injury and even death. My trips alone, miles out into the Everglades on my boat, the annual Alligator Hunts, and fishing trips way out into the wild places of Florida bay, and Flamingo.. But these are risks that I can mitigate. I can carry (and do..) survival gear, mosquito nets, water filter, etc. I have a certain amount of control over the outcome of these activities. It gives me a small feeling of control while allowing me to have the adrenaline rush of Risk.
The car accident however, was a completely out of the blue, random.
Like a bolt of lightning you never see coming until you hear the blast. I had zero control over it, other than buckling my seat belt when I left the restaurant. Those are the things that keep me up at night. It made me realize that despite what I do to protect myself, death can come at any moment. And all the life jackets, flare guns, and smoke grenades won't amount to shit if the "big chop", or BB with my name on it is headed my way.
It took a few days to shake it off. I really didn't go out or do much this weekend of last week. I felt safer in the house, and just played on the computer and watched TV. And then I realized I was acting silly.. When the Golden BB sets out to find you, it's gonna find you no matter where you are. You can't let that knowledge stop you from living.
The best way to live as I see it is to enjoy everyday for what it is. Even the bad days have some element of good in them. maybe its a soft pillow, or talking with a good friend or family member. It could be a sunset, or birds playing.. Whatever it is I'm making an effort to stop and just enjoy it.
Life is precious and fleeting, my friends. It can vanish in the blink of an eye. Tell the people that you love just that.. That you love them.
That has really been the biggest thing that's ran across my mind since the guy to the right of me caught his BB.
You just never know.. Peace...
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