A big, nasty mess...

I apologise for leaving any readers hanging as to my physical condition. I'm slowly getting better, very slowly. Today is my first day back at work since arriving home late Thursday afternoon. I was simply too bloody drained to drag myself into this dungeon the last 2 days. overall, I think it was a wise decision on my part. I slept quite a bit and stayed indoors tidying up, doing laundry, and generally getting ready for school to start next week. This is some nasty, nasty stuff I have. It will more than likely be a couple of weeks before I'm back to normal.

However, I was completely unprepared for the situation I arrived home to...... And that's putting it mildly. I really don't know where to begin to be honest with you. Let me just start by saying that I am definitely moving out in the next couple of months and into a place ALONE... I have had it up to my eyeballs with my roommate, our living arrangements, the stupidity, and unmitigated gall he has displayed. I'm done folks... Completely, and utterly DONE.....

Before I left he had told me that his wife and two children were driving down from Montana to visit their family, etc, etc... No biggie.. I asked him where they were going to be staying as other than his bedroom, where he sleeps on 2 twin mattresses there was no other room. He explained that they would be stying at her sister's house primarily, and other places. They were going to be travelling all over the state, etc..

They arrived at the house 1 night before I left to go to Texas. All of the sudden, (as is the standard M.O. for my roommate) the story changes in mid-stream.. Not only are they going to be "visiting" for 6 weeks (!!!!!), they'll all be sleeping in his bedroom together, and to top it all off she brought 2 golden fucking retrievers with her and the children... I was not pleased at all, and let my roomie know that the dogs were absolutely NOT staying inside the house under ANY circumstances due to my allergies. I could tell he didn't like it but I really didn't care one iota.

I leave for Texas to spend 7 plague filled days with my family... Now, fast forward to Thursday when I return home:

These people live like sharecroppers.. I walk in the house and see that it is in absolute shambles.. The tile floors were filthy, towels and clothing strewn everywhere. The sink and dishwasher full of dirty dishes, and in my bathroom I actually found FOOD! I was shocked. I mean, what kind of person eats food in the bathroom?!! Barking dogs and screaming children running around outside, etc.. 2 large dog cages are now taking up all the space on the patio

I was pissed.. I was so pissed off I was completely calm, which is a very dangerous state for me to be in. It normally is the calm before a volcanic eruption, or the loading of firearms.

When "roomie" finally came in the house from his little taxidermy shed out back he could tell I was not pleased at all. I believe he got my point when I glanced around and and asked "what in the hell happened in here? It looks like a bomb went off!" He mumbled something I couldn't hear as I walked into my office and shut the door. Apparently his wife took the hint and began cleaning up the place, because I can assure you that thay would have been serving ice water in Hell before I was going to lift a finger to pick any of their crap up.....

But wait, it gets worse.....

Much, much worse..............

I've never mentioned the subject on this blog before because I really didn't want to talk about it. Its a subject that has stuck in my craw since January when I moved in with him. Apparently, there has been trouble in their marriage for some time now. In fact they came pretty close to splitting the sheets last year over the issue. They had sort of patched it up prior to her moving with the kids to Montana into the new house that was built there.

What is the specific problem, you ask?

After having their 2 children she gained a lot of weight. According to him, she's never made any attempt to lose it and she is no longer sexually attractive to him, yet she expects him to desire her like he did in the "pre kid" era when she was built like a brick shit house. ( and she was, too..) He told me that he feels betrayed that she won't keep herself in semi-decent shape. In his mind she doesn't care about his "needs" and her complete lack of self care is actually her way of saying that she couldn't care less about his feelings. He claims that he stays in great shape to look good for her, and she should have the drive to do the same. This is about half true on his part, but not entirely. He stays in shape for his vanity, and only infinitesimally to "look good for her"..

You see, he is part of the "body beautiful" tribe. And for a man that is 50 years old he is in outstanding physical shape. He exercises religiously, practices martial arts, and is admittedly vain to a fault. Unfortunately, he expects her to be the same way. Well, she isn't.. And she never will be.

I can understand not being attracted to someone due to a large amount of weight gain, I really can. I gained a ton of weight when I quit smoking and have never really lost all of it. Hey, I'm fat. I admit that. Do I think I look good to those I would hope to appear desirable to?

Nope....

And you know what? I shouldn't expect to.

While I would love to say that appearance doesn't matter and claim that all sexual attraction comes from within, I can't.. Because that would be very Pollyanna and naive, not to mention sheer and utter horseshit.... We are visually attracted creatures, period. We ALL are initially attracted to the ones we couple with largely out of a visual context. Yes, yes, intellect, humor, and all of the other components play a part in the overall attraction but the initial look of a person is the primary attraction trigger for most of us. Anthropologically, despite our deep desire to distance ourselves from our caveman brethren, we are quite base in our programming....

Most women are drawn to a good shoulder to waist ratio in a man, square jaw, symmetrical facial points, etc. Just as men are drawn to leg length and shape, breast size and symmetry, and hourglass figure. ( for the most part, I am speaking in generalities here..)

( pulls needle off of the record )

HOWEVER.........

Throwing it in the others face, and finding a younger woman to feed your ego, and stoke your vanity is just shitty, dirty pool.... And that is exactly what my roommate did to his wife. He fell into a fling with a rather trashy, nasty young woman in her early 30's that he works with. As we both work in the same facility, I knew exactly who she was. Hey, you took vows "for better and for worse" pal.. Remember those?

I couldn't believe it...

I asked him about her not 3 weeks before I left to go home to Texas. He had been going out with "mutual friends" to bars and clubs with her in attendance since I had moved into the house. Many was the night that he came in well after I had already crashed. He swore to me on his Mother's life that they hadn't slept together. But yet, he professes some sacred "connection" between them and that if the situation were different he could see them together forever or some such nonesens. He said that there had only been some "heavy petting" and that the deal was never consumated at any time. And that it was over and done with.

Ooooookkkkkaayyyyy....... Whatever..... Either way it stacks up to adultry in my eyes. Sorry, but if you're married and you are kissing and whispering "sweet nothings" ( how apopose ) into someones ear other than your spouse I have news for you: You are cheating on them..

Once again, I couldn't believe it... Hey, I was born at night but not LAST night. There's no way they haven't done the horizontal mambo. I'd bet my Colt .45, and my cowboy hat on it.

But, it was his staunch denial of carnal knowledge of this woman that was his saving grace with me. And he has no idea how fortunate he was to keep up his wall of denial with me. And what really saved his bacon was the fact that he swore up and down that he had broken it off with her.

Why?

Two nights ago, while he was out on the patio with her sister and brother in law, she and I were in the kitchen alone for a brief moment. She turned to me with tears in her eyes (literally) and said:

"Can I ask you a question, Windrider?"

"Of course you can, Michelle. What's wrong?!" ( I was a bit startled at the emotional question as we have never been too close. )

(cue pins dropping for noise)

"Does my husband have a girlfriend?" she asks, as she looks me dead square in the corneas. Tears dripping from her chin. My jaw drops to wide open, and I just stare at her.

I won't be melodramatic here, it was the look of a spouse that was unsure of the fidelity of their other half in a big way. And there are the fates of two darling kids hanging here as well...

I looked her dead in the eyes and told her; "No, he doesn't have a girlfriend that I'm aware of.. Why would you ask that question? " She responded that she had found a note in his truck while they were driving to the Keys. Apparently it was from his little sweetie thanking him for helping her put lights up in her kitchen. It was signed "xoxoxo, Me".

My gut tightened into a ball.. She goes on to explain that she confronted him about it and that he denied any culpability in it. ( which is laughable ) Apparently this female was an issue prior to her moving up to Montana, and a big one at that. .

And here I was standing in front of her telling her that he had no girlfriend based on technicalities and methods of speech. I felt like the biggest son of a bitch on the planet. One big Goddamned fraud that became just like the monster government agency he's become a product of... I wanted to wash out my lungs with bleach, send my Bible back to God, and collect the check for the amount that I sold my soul for along the way...

I should have been a lawyer. I would have been a superstar at it.

Technically I have no proof. And even if I did, I wonder if I'd tell her.. I just don't know..

This afternoon I spent the brunt of the afternoon entertaining the kids. Ages 9 and 8.. Mom was depressed and stayed in bed almost all the day. I played with them inside, then had them put on swimsuits and we went out in the pool where I did my level best to exhaust them. I can't help but think they are picking up on the tension and needed the distraction. . We screamed, and splashed, and tossed each other into the deep end of the water over and over. Each time I was hoping that they would get a slight case of amnesia as to what is really going on. But, I don't know.. Kids are wickedly perceptive of adult emotions.. We splashed, and hollered, but I sensed that they sort of felt the stress in the air.

Either way, I have to get out of here in the next couple of months. I just can't be wrapped up in this sort of shit.