Midnight thoughts
So here I am again, burning the oil.
Man, I'm tired tonight. It seems like the last week has gone on forever. I have a lot to do in the next few days. School has been taking up most of the time. I'm almost finished with this course, and I just enrolled for three more that start at the end of the month.
I just feel a sense of urgency to get this done. I'm tired of this place, and the people. My mother thinks I'll burn myself out, but I have to disagree. I'm not sure what it is, but something just lit a fire under my ass to get done with school.
Maybe it's the overwhelming feeling that I'm just wasting my life here in Miami. Time is just slipping away, and I've spent WAY too much time here. I need to be back home. It's frustrating. Really frustrating. And hard for most people to understand because they have families, spouses, and attachments to this city. I on the other hand have absolutely none of that. And I guess that's a really good thing. Because I have absolutely nothing to hold me from leaving as soon as I can.
School is also a great way to make time go faster. And it keeps me busy, which I need. I tend to be self destructive when I just sit around. Besides, it gives me a sense of accomplishment. Which is something I haven't felt in a very, very long time. I hadn't realized just how much I've missed that until a few weeks ago. I should have done this much sooner. But that's all water under the bridge.
Other than that, not too much has been happening in my life. I did decide I was going to buy an elliptical machine for the apartment. My biggest problem has been getting out the door to go to the gym. I figure with a piece of equipment sitting in the center of the living room I'll guilt myself into using it. Either that or it will simply be a piece of rather avantgard statuary. I just need to start doing something. I'll probably get it in a couple of weeks.
I'll try to post something tomorrow as I have yet another midnight shift. ( its a work staffing issue, don't ask...) But hey, it keeps me away from the other inmates. And thats a good thing.
Comments
1. I had a rower in my living room for a long time and that was really good until I could get out to the gym. Good for you; I love the ellipticals.
2. Midnight shifts suck. But I know you've gotta do what you've gotta do.
3. I am with you on the idea of getting your degree finished. You won't be burning yourself out as it is something you WANT to do, not being forced to do. Mentality is a huge factor in burn-out--or not. You've got the right attitude, and with that anything is possible.
4. It sure does not matter what others think, does it? You must do what is true to your heart. As you said, you have absolutely no emotional ties to your current state--except, maybe, some of those gators! You'll miss the Glades, but you strike me as the kind of person to find beauty whereever you hang your hat. And it is so true...at the risk of sounding corny, there is no place like home.
Good introspection, Windy. I'd call but, with your hours I would hate to either wake you or interrupt your schoolwork. One of these days...
Take care, keep being good to yourself!
I used to love to use the rowing maching at the gym. It had a little animated boat on a screen you were competing against. I love the ellipticals as well but OY Vey! Those things are expensive!! anywhere from 650.00 to almost 6000.00!! ( guess which end I'll be on..)
Actually i like the mids when its all said and done. I get to be alone and not be bothered with all the usual daily drama that infects this place.
Thas what I was trying to tell my mother when she started freaking out. But, as you well know you can't tell them anything sometimes. I know me, and where my motivation lies.
I think to one extent or another we're all affected in our own way by what others think of us. But you are absolutely correct in that what they think of us really doesn't amount to anything. It's only our true perceptions of ourself that matter. I just have to remember to remail a little malliable.