Thoughts.
I'm glad this week is almost over. I swear it feels like it's been a hundred years long.
Tons of things happening at work, and just as many at school. I feel like like I'm worn thin, like butter scraped over too much bread. This afternoon should be better. I can go home and just rest. And right now, I need just that. Rest, and to be alone.
Other people's drama is starting to weigh on me. I need to put some distance between us again. This is disappointing, as I was just getting social again. But I just can't be any one's therapist, or constant guru. It's sucking all the life out of me. Nor can I be someones antidepressant. I mean, hey, we all have problems of out own. I just can't make myself available like that anymore. It's too taxing. I want to have some fun. Just be carefree, sans all the sackcloth and ashes of problems that aren't even mine to begin with. Dude, just take a pill already. Things don't have to be so "life or death" all the time. Relax. The mercurial highs and lows are getting old. I just don't need the hassle.
I guess I'm just sensitive right now. I'm not sure why. My parents are sort of hurting my feelings a bit. I'm always the one who has to call. They got back home a few days ago and said they would call. But they didn't. This has been happening more and more. I'm not sure if it's old age, or what. But its been bothering me. They call my brother all the time. It feels like i'm sort of an afterthought. And theres not a damn thing I can do about it. He's been the "golden child" all of my life and always recieved the lion's share of attention, and affection. He was a baby they tried for years to have. I was an admitted accident.
It's had me wondering if I really should move back there at all. I know that sounds odd, but it's just how I've been feeling. I mean shit, am I trying to move heaven and earth to get back there just to wind up getting ignored? Like I said, I'm sensitive these days.
I'm trying to figure out why that is. But I can't really find anything definite. About the only thing I can come up with is I sort of feel mildly taken advantage of in a way. People at work, one of my friends who is constantly crying on my shoulder, etc....
I guess I'm tired of always being the thoughtful one. The one who considers others feelings when others don't consider mine. I'm sick of watching my words so as not to offend others and not have the same given to me. I guess I'm sick of selfish, self centered people who just fucking take, and take, and take all the damn time and never give back.
You know, the ones who expect you to make concessions for them but suddenly become scarce when it's their turn? Or expect you to clean up after them like a damn maid? Or cover for them while they go play grab ass on the company dime? Or cock block you? Or otherwise act an ass? Or vanish like a puff of smoke once they get to feeling better? The Sunshine Patriots, and fairweather friends? Those are the ones I'm talking about.
I'm also talking about hypocrites too. The ones that voted for all of this wonderfully ideallic "Hope" and "Change" malarkey and yet with the same hand decided who can marry who. Even though it has no fucking affect on them, or their lives. And a segment of taxpaying, upstanding citizens are denied the basic right to marry whom they choose. That to me is a blatant violation of constitutional rights, and yes it pisses me off! While I'm not gay I'm insensed that people who are, get denied the ability that everyone else in "the land of the free" gets to do without a second thought. But nobody really mentioned that after the election did they? No, we were too busy noticing that Oprah fucking cried!!!! WHO CARES???!!!!!
I'm more concerned that some of those who used to be forced to ride at the back of the bus, or were descriminated against because of their religious beliefs, have become the same damn monsters they themselves weeped and wailed about for so long. We liberate ourselves with one hand and condemn someone else with the other it seems. I'm concerned that we as a nation barely took notice this in our post election hangover. That more than one state did this and one of which the issue had already been ruled on by that state's Supreme Court!
I'm offended that some of the ones who want change only want it for themselves, not for everyone. Selfish bastards. And that as a country we have allowed a segment of out population to remain second class citizens who don't share the same rights as their peers. Yet we lavish all these rights and benefits on people in our country illegally. But not our own countrymen?! It's an outrage.
And it should scare the hell out of everyone regardless of race, creed or orientation. What's next to go? What will be the next right to be denied us by these cretins? Abortion? The right to keep and bear Arms? You tell me........ And will we all just stand by and passively watch as it happens like we just did?
Jesus, I need a vacation.........
Tons of things happening at work, and just as many at school. I feel like like I'm worn thin, like butter scraped over too much bread. This afternoon should be better. I can go home and just rest. And right now, I need just that. Rest, and to be alone.
Other people's drama is starting to weigh on me. I need to put some distance between us again. This is disappointing, as I was just getting social again. But I just can't be any one's therapist, or constant guru. It's sucking all the life out of me. Nor can I be someones antidepressant. I mean, hey, we all have problems of out own. I just can't make myself available like that anymore. It's too taxing. I want to have some fun. Just be carefree, sans all the sackcloth and ashes of problems that aren't even mine to begin with. Dude, just take a pill already. Things don't have to be so "life or death" all the time. Relax. The mercurial highs and lows are getting old. I just don't need the hassle.
I guess I'm just sensitive right now. I'm not sure why. My parents are sort of hurting my feelings a bit. I'm always the one who has to call. They got back home a few days ago and said they would call. But they didn't. This has been happening more and more. I'm not sure if it's old age, or what. But its been bothering me. They call my brother all the time. It feels like i'm sort of an afterthought. And theres not a damn thing I can do about it. He's been the "golden child" all of my life and always recieved the lion's share of attention, and affection. He was a baby they tried for years to have. I was an admitted accident.
It's had me wondering if I really should move back there at all. I know that sounds odd, but it's just how I've been feeling. I mean shit, am I trying to move heaven and earth to get back there just to wind up getting ignored? Like I said, I'm sensitive these days.
I'm trying to figure out why that is. But I can't really find anything definite. About the only thing I can come up with is I sort of feel mildly taken advantage of in a way. People at work, one of my friends who is constantly crying on my shoulder, etc....
I guess I'm tired of always being the thoughtful one. The one who considers others feelings when others don't consider mine. I'm sick of watching my words so as not to offend others and not have the same given to me. I guess I'm sick of selfish, self centered people who just fucking take, and take, and take all the damn time and never give back.
You know, the ones who expect you to make concessions for them but suddenly become scarce when it's their turn? Or expect you to clean up after them like a damn maid? Or cover for them while they go play grab ass on the company dime? Or cock block you? Or otherwise act an ass? Or vanish like a puff of smoke once they get to feeling better? The Sunshine Patriots, and fairweather friends? Those are the ones I'm talking about.
I'm also talking about hypocrites too. The ones that voted for all of this wonderfully ideallic "Hope" and "Change" malarkey and yet with the same hand decided who can marry who. Even though it has no fucking affect on them, or their lives. And a segment of taxpaying, upstanding citizens are denied the basic right to marry whom they choose. That to me is a blatant violation of constitutional rights, and yes it pisses me off! While I'm not gay I'm insensed that people who are, get denied the ability that everyone else in "the land of the free" gets to do without a second thought. But nobody really mentioned that after the election did they? No, we were too busy noticing that Oprah fucking cried!!!! WHO CARES???!!!!!
I'm more concerned that some of those who used to be forced to ride at the back of the bus, or were descriminated against because of their religious beliefs, have become the same damn monsters they themselves weeped and wailed about for so long. We liberate ourselves with one hand and condemn someone else with the other it seems. I'm concerned that we as a nation barely took notice this in our post election hangover. That more than one state did this and one of which the issue had already been ruled on by that state's Supreme Court!
I'm offended that some of the ones who want change only want it for themselves, not for everyone. Selfish bastards. And that as a country we have allowed a segment of out population to remain second class citizens who don't share the same rights as their peers. Yet we lavish all these rights and benefits on people in our country illegally. But not our own countrymen?! It's an outrage.
And it should scare the hell out of everyone regardless of race, creed or orientation. What's next to go? What will be the next right to be denied us by these cretins? Abortion? The right to keep and bear Arms? You tell me........ And will we all just stand by and passively watch as it happens like we just did?
Jesus, I need a vacation.........
Comments
We all: race, religion or sexual preference, deserve the same rights.
I was so upset that CA overturned the gay marriage, ignorance.
Take it easy, get some of that built up angst in you out on that rockin' treadmill of yours! I did this weekend--raked leaves for three hours on Saturday, and have huge blisters to prove it!
Be well, Windy.