Forging Foreward.....
I am sorry for my absence these last few weeks. Truly....
Life just crops up occasionally and you can't do anything other than tighten your boot straps and deal with it. And that's exactly what I've been doing. Sometimes that's all you really can do.
No, nobody died. I didn't lose my job, or my ability to quaff copious amounts of vodka. I was simply dealing with an inner turmoil surrounded by my outside life. That's all. But I needed to just be alone and work my way through it.
It was almost what Native Americans refer to as a "vision quest" . I had to sort some things out inside myself. Things having to do with, "where the hell am I going with my life? " , "why am I not taking care of myself physically, and mentally?", and most importantly, "what is going to make me happy?" ... This last question has been haunting me for a long, long time. I've blown it off, stuffed it away into the back of my mind, and not looked at it for years now.
And when I say haunting me that's exactly what I mean. It looms it's head up deep in the night when most other people are supposed to be sleeping. Like a cattle dog, it nips at my heels making me take notice of it. In short, it can't be ignored anymore. And the answer is: I don't really know to be honest with you..... But I know it ain't this ( I know, big surprise, right?)....
I suppose it's a mid life crisis of sorts. I sit and watch the pages on the calendar flip over rapidly. Year after year passes, and yet I still sit here on my ass. It's maddening at times. Meanwhile I see and read about others who are out there living out their dreams . Well, I want that to be ME...
In other news: (we'll get back to the esoteric in a bit)
I finished the algebra class with a 4.0 ( an A ) for the semester. If not for the help of my friend Jaime I would have more than likely never made itabove a 1.0 . But it's a done deal! I start statistics this saturday online, as well as a computer class (which is laughable due to the fact that i deal with some of the most sophisticated sytems in the US all day long ) .
I've been in Macroeconomics for the last 3 weeks and have my mid-term next week. Believe it or not, I'm actually enjoying it given our current economy. I need to write an 8 to 10 page research paper for the class in the next 2 weeks, in addition to a power point presentation to go along with it. But, If I keep this pace up I can graduate by next may and move immediately into the master's program. I only need 10 classes for my undergraduate degree after all of these are finished.
After that, it's on to the graduate program. I'm not too sure what a masters degree will get me, but it beats just having only an undergrad degree. Whatever...
I also had to go see my Doctor as well. It's felt like I've been punched in the right nipple for months now, and it started to concern me. I even could feel a sort of mass ( very soft and squishy ) under the nipple itself, which made me even more concerned. Well, my doctor told me that he was 99% sure it wasn't cancer, and that he had only seen Male breast Cancer one time in 30 years and that as i didn't have a hardened mass, or lump it was all A-OK.
Although, he referred me to a colleague of his "just to be sure" . Go figure....
I'm pretty certain that this "colleague" will want to stick sharp pointy things into my man-titty and do biopsies, but I digress.. I'm sure it will be fine.
I also needed to get my blood pressure medicine upped as my current dosage wasn't cutting it. So, My dose of Lotril was doubled. And it seems to be working like a charm so far. I just need to lose about 100 pounds. ( give or take 30 or so, but what's 30 lbs among friends? )
That's right, 100 pounds... Go Ahead, Gasp, and shudder. I don't mind, really..
While I actually look like an NFL Linebacker, this appearance is apparently doing nothing for my health whatsoever. In fact, I'm going to get a Doppler done of my heart and all it's little functions next Wednesday. My EKG is fine, my Doctor just wants to be sure my heart isn't enlarged due to my hypertension, and size. Jeeze , just stick a finger up my butt , would ya!!?? I might like it...
Yay Me.
But I'm not complaining. Really. It's just life, and you deal with it. I'm not scared at all, and it will all wind up just fine.
Well, I was going to go into the esoteric a bit more but I'm wanting to just go and chill out. I promise I won't be so tardy in my posting.
Leah - Keep fighting my Love! I know you'll be back to your old self in no time flat! And one day when I come over to Israel to hug your neck we will laugh and smile, and dance (even though I'm an old man ) .
Mapi - I Love you my little Llama.. You are the rock I hold onto. We will meet one day, and the world will never be the same.... (Or at least our criminal records won't be... )
Curtis - I miss you buddy, and I'm sorry I haven't written in forever! You are still a friend of mine Curt, and I miss you. Nuff said.. ( my offer of a place to stay down here stands firm, just let me know...)
other than that, I'm doing alright...
And the Alligators are doing just fine.............
Your Pal,
Windrider
Comments
I get fingers and hard metal objects up a different body cavity tomorrow that you just do not possess. In a very non-pleasurable way. Last year they found pre-cancer. I can't begin to tell you how absolutely terrified I am about going tomorrow.
An A? In Algebra? Must I quote you from a while back...??? Dude, that is GREAT! Congratulations. Yeppers, on to stats. You'll be just fine. Keep knocking those goals down one by one.
It does not help now to hear "this, too, shall pass" because it feels like it won't. Have you been getting on that elliptical you bought? Are you working out? You will feel better about life if you feel better about how Life sees you. Losing the kind of weight you are talking about requires long-term dedication and lifestyle change. Ugh. I'm the Queen of Lifestyle Change with knocking soy out. Not fun--but we have to do for our bodies what is good for our bodies.
It is so damn easy for me to sit up here hundreds of miles away and tell you what you have to do. If I lived next door, there would be less talking and more doing. Walking. Riding bikes. Making you some of my food. That's the kind of thing I do for my friends and it kills me that I can't do that for you. Call it being an indirect-disciplinarian.
But...I cannot get on your case on something that I can't actively involve myself in. Same with my girlfriend in Oregon who needs to lose a helufa lot more than 100 pounds but whose husband wants to keep her heavy so he can keep her under his thumb. I can't do anything nor try to motivate her to be healthy--difference between her and you is, she doesn't want to be proactive. She sees nothing is wrong and that she's just "destined" to become diabetic.
Bullshit.
Windy, you've gotta be good to yourself. We can still turn a city upside down one of these days! Actually, I'm quite looking forward to that. And that fun will not be at the expense of self-respect and self-care.
You are starting to get your ducks in order. You're finishing the education, your antennae are up and always listening, waiting, watching. You're ready to jump as soon as The Opportunity avails itself. Now, while treading water, let's get the physical YOU back on track. Any progress you see will make you feel much better about where you are in your life, I can guarantee you that.
And I am with you here all along the way.
With that, my friend, forward we do indeed forge...
Be well, Windy.
I also take Lotril and Inderal. And age is just a number. I would be honored to dance with you when you visit Israel.