Looking in the rearview mirror at your life..
It's odd..
I've been thinking alot about my life and where it has ( and hasn't ) gone. I was home for the first time in over 5 years in april of this year. It was a sad experience..
Why?
Because I saw up close and personally how things fade away or vanish altogether when enough time is applied tothem. All my old haunts, and friends had eroded, and simply vanished. So much change had occured.. It was as if this place had wiped me out of its memory.
An old indian campground where I used to spend hours and hours digging arrowheads was now a golf course...
The woods I used to roam, and ride in for hours on end had been transformed into a giant subdivision...
Two friends had died, an old girlfriend had gotten married and moved away.. Another I had been very close to had moved recently to parts unknown. Another friend I haven't spoken to in years has kidney failure and probably won't last the next year.
And yet, there I was sleeping in my old room. It all came rushing back to me, the memories, the feelings, and all the experiences in vivid detail. The only thing left standing was the stage, all the actors had vanished..
It was like being in a ghost town.. It was the first time in my life I had ever felt that. A hollow, museum quality emptiness soaked into my bones.
My past has simply evaporated, and no traces , or evidence of it exist. Only dusty old thoughts, and memories, slowly fading away in the rearview mirror...
Bummer...
I've been thinking alot about my life and where it has ( and hasn't ) gone. I was home for the first time in over 5 years in april of this year. It was a sad experience..
Why?
Because I saw up close and personally how things fade away or vanish altogether when enough time is applied tothem. All my old haunts, and friends had eroded, and simply vanished. So much change had occured.. It was as if this place had wiped me out of its memory.
An old indian campground where I used to spend hours and hours digging arrowheads was now a golf course...
The woods I used to roam, and ride in for hours on end had been transformed into a giant subdivision...
Two friends had died, an old girlfriend had gotten married and moved away.. Another I had been very close to had moved recently to parts unknown. Another friend I haven't spoken to in years has kidney failure and probably won't last the next year.
And yet, there I was sleeping in my old room. It all came rushing back to me, the memories, the feelings, and all the experiences in vivid detail. The only thing left standing was the stage, all the actors had vanished..
It was like being in a ghost town.. It was the first time in my life I had ever felt that. A hollow, museum quality emptiness soaked into my bones.
My past has simply evaporated, and no traces , or evidence of it exist. Only dusty old thoughts, and memories, slowly fading away in the rearview mirror...
Bummer...
Comments
I don't go back there anymore. Mostly because it's not the "there" it was, and like you, I don't much like the feeling I get.
Some things are just better left as memories, I suppose. It's unfortuntate, I know, but I have found it to be true also.