"Easy Peasy" revenge ideas...for my friend..

I was asked by a friend today to post some ideas on revenge. Why? Because my friend was slammed by another person and knowing my background wanted some guidance and ideas on how to get a little payback. So, here you go T.. Just be careful..

Let's face it...

Every so often in one's life the need for revenge is overwhelming.. Someone has given you one right up the rear exit, and payback is called for, and in fact screamed for. It is your god-given right to smite the prick who has lashed out at you, although most of society will urge you to take the "high road".

Well, screw that.. I say go for it if you really feel the need. But, do it carefully, methodically, leave no traces, and you'll be able to sit back and revel in the agony of your target. All it takes is a wee bit/or huge amount of intestinal fortitude, and some very careful planning.

Karma is nonsense. Plain and simple.. It's nothing more than a superstition that some cosmic force roughly akin to Tony Soprano will come and break your kneecaps if you utilize the "eye for an eye" philosophy.. Don't buy into that rubbish. Its a fairy tale.

So, here are some of of my favorites that will work like a charm. (not that I've ever done them mind you...)

Keep in mind that the object is to cause trouble, embarrassment and cost, NOT to do physical harm to the target under any circumstances. Read that line again and let it sink in..

Revenge Opeations are divided into 2 categories: Passive and Active..

Passive Ops require a minimum of planning, stealth, and risk. These are largely annoying, and small troubles you can cause. ( like a gnat buzzing around your face ). Largely non-traceable, and can be sustained almost indefinitely.

Active Ops are ENTIRELY different and require covert activities, stealth, planning, physical prowess, possible alibis, and at times Significant Risk (aka being arrested, fired, beaten ) these however provide the biggest payback by far.. They are largely ONE TIME events, because after the initial operation, your target WILL be watching their back, law enforcement will likely be involved, and any further ops will be near to impossible to pull off successfully.

Passive Operations:

-collect all the subscription cards from magazines ( normal, and nasty porn rags) that you can get your hands on and fill them out with the address of the target. ( use caution here and don't use your own handwriting or a mailbox near you ). A Columbia house cd subscription is nice too as those guys are rivaled only by Jehova's Witnesses in their tenacity.

-call contractors to show up at the same time at the target address ( using a payphone ) electricians, A/C guys, Carpenters, Roofers, Asphalt, surveyors, home inspectors, etc.

-Post a picture on craigslist.org or another site of the offender offering hot, monkey, gay sex. Include phone number of target as well as corporate and home e-mail. This one works like a charm as long as you use a sterile computer to do it ( NOT yours or a work computer..)

-Contact fringe religious organizations and request a home visit expressing a "sincere" interest in said religion.

-offensive bumper stickers like "cops are people who couldn't get into college", "I drink and drive, so screw you!" affixed to your target's vehicle can and will work in getting them pulled over repeatedly. But this only works once or twice.

ACTIVE operations: (use extreme caution here, or have a good lawyer handy)

-Obtain a veterinary syringe and needle, or insulin syringe ( feed stores, etc).. Head down to the local wal mart and pick up a bottle of skunk scent, or fox urine. Load the syringe with said scent and inject contents into the vents in front of windshield of targets car. This will ruin the vehicle forever, as it will ALWAYS smell like ASS no matter what the owner does to fix it. (Imagine an M3 going form 60K in value to "scrap value" with the push of a plunger..)

(This is my #1 favorite because skunks are found in almost every state and metro area. The liquid is colorless and if the target does call the police they are basically going to brush it off as a wildlife incident and file a report and forget about it.)

-buy 2 cans of injectible, crack and crevice, quick drying Foam from any home improvement store. Tape up tailpipe of target vehicle and cut tiny slit to inject foam mixture thru. Inject foam liberally. wait 3 to 5 minutes and remove tape. Can you say new exhaust system/engine block? I can..

-dip a toothpick tip in superglue and insert into car door lock and snap it off. Lock replacement isn't cheap especially on higher end vehicles.

- 15-20 drops of visine in a target's coffee/soda etc will give them a case of the "runs" they wont soon forget, and no it isn't poisonous.

Those are some basic ideas. You can get as creative as you like, but let me give you a few guidelines and safety tips...

1.) Give it a few days and see if you still want to go this route. "Striking while the Iron is Hot" is the quickest way to land your ass in a jail cell. If your emotions are high you WILL screw it up, overlook something, or get sloppy. Besides, you want the smoke to clear and have the target forget about it. Trust me on this one, if you act out immediately you will be the first person questioned in any law enforcement investigation. The standard question of "Is there anyone that you have reason to believe would do something like this to you?" will lead trouble right to your door. Give it a month, and if you still feel the same way go for it.

2.) Tell no one about any planned or current Operation.. I don't care if it's passive, OR active keep your mouth SHUT about it. Don't tell your spouse, your best friend, or your priest. I can't stress this strongly enough. People squeal like little pigs with their tail caught in a door when questioned in even the most gentle manner. Trust me on this one.

3.) Don't mess with the postal service. Believe it or not, they have their own police force ( who are Federal Law Enforcement Agents) and most postal law violations are Federal FELONIES. Changing someone's address, or mailing roadkill to them, or messing with a mailbox is "high school" and will get you busted. Stay away from this crap.

4.) Do Thy Homework.. Recon any area you are planning to carry out Active Ops. Always use a "sterile" area ( not the office parking lot, and ESPECIALLY NOT the target's home.). Look for the following things: CCTV cameras normally found in high spots, roofs, etc.. Guards, patrols etc.

5.) Dress in "vanilla" upper casual clothing during any operation. Camo clothing, face paint, etc is just stupid and makes you stick out like a boner in a nudist colony.( you aren't doing a hostage rescue in Honduras, so leave the navy Seal outfit for Halloween) Believe it or not, most people can't accurately recall the description of someone they met only moments before UNLESS the person was wearing something flashy. So, no bling, and only standard neutral colors.

Besides, if you look a little bit upscale people automatically believe that you aren't up to anything shady..

6.) Think before you act..And use common sense..

Realize that this information is only for amusement purposes..