Some friends are a drag..

Nothing irritates me more than friends who seem to leave their testicles at the altar when they get married, or in a serious relationship.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not encouraging being a selfish cad. But completely turning yourself into the flaccid equivalent of the Queen's eunich is just pathetic.

You had a life before she came along, had your own interests, hobbies, and opinions. So, what happened?

Now you are the equivalent of Paris Hilton's permanent "Purse Dog" complete with diamond studded collar. Can you say "Pampered Chef" because those are the only weekly meetings besides "Alcoholics Anonymous" (mandated by her by the way.) that you are going to be allowed to attend without a note from Teacher. And keep in mind pal, this was more than likely a woman, who before you met made Tara Reid look like Sister Teresa.



Now dear readers, before any flaming starts keep in mind that I have been guilty of this in the past as well. But, never more... I am who I am..

How so?

I hunt, I fish, I eat all forms of MEAT (and always will) , I'll soon be a diver, I drink everything but Listerine ( and shit, I'd consider a glass of it as well, with the right garnish), can curse like a sailor at will and often do, enjoy slingshots, boats, cigarettes, blowguns, BB guns, knives, fireworks, and all manner of explosives, impulsive roadtrips, Farting for humorous purposes, and can occasionally be found passed out in the front yard missing most of my clothing..

If I don't like your family, I won't be bothered to be around them, the same goes with your friends. But, I offer the same option to you as well

In short, I'm a professional Small Boy..

But, I can use a fork and knife when I eat and not look like tarzan doing it. I clean up well, and look rather dashing in my Armani suits if I do say so myself, can put your makeup on you better than you can ( lived with a beautiful female makeup artist, and had her teach me for fun ), decorate better than an interior decorator, and keep you laughing for hours..

And I won't change any of that for you if we decide to date or marry under any circumstances.

Why?

Simple...

First of all, I won't ask you to do that for me.

And if you start giving me pressure to change who I am to suit you its going to tell me in big neon letters that you either didn't bother to really get to know and appretiate me for who I am to begin with , or you had an agenda all along..

At which point I will apply sufficient force to your posterior region with my footware to permenantly dislodge you from my life..

It's too bad most men (and women) cant realize this before its too late..

My secret theory is that saliva from the female homo sapien when applied to the genital region of the male of the same species, causes a distinct physiological change in the male... To include brain chemistry, and significant shrinking of the testes...