Switching Gears (a ramble/rant )

Bear with me, I'm just letting the thoughts flow onto this digital paper as they come..

I've got a busy two weeks ahead of me.

A mid term this Thursday, and two finals in the next 2 weeks! Egads, I can't remember being this taxed for a long time. But Dayum, will I ever be glad to get these two online classes over with! Those things have worked me like a rented mule during plowing season..

After that I'll have nine classes left to complete my undergraduate degree. That will be truly a better late than never event when I walk across that stage. I had given up on it years ago. I'm not exactly sure why I did, either. Maybe I thought I wasn't smart enough, or good enough, or that it really wouldn't matter all that much. Either way it was a silly thing to do.

That's one thing I've always suffered with. Low self esteem. Some people are surprised when I say that, but over the years I've just learned to be a good actor, and overcompensate for it. Its odd. I wish I could go back in time and figure out exactly what caused me to be like that and somehow fix it. But that's a luxury that none of us are given. So we just color around the defects and imagine they don't exist.

Life is like sitting at a poker table. You have no control the hand you are dealt. But you have to play it the best you can. Some people draw great ones and seem to breeze through it effortlessly, while others get rotten ones and just can't seem to win no matter how they bet. Some bluff and come out lucky, while others don't risk anything at all and slowly are eliminated by folding. And there doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason to it at all. It makes my just scratch my head at the whole thing. I sit and contemplate if destiny really exists in this world. Or is it just all odds, and random happenings? I guess you never really get an answer to that question in this lifetime.

And yet I see things that are just downright unfair and just can't help but question why they are happening. Take my two friends from Israel, Leah and Mish for example: Here are two young women who live in harms way almost every time they go out in public. They are at risk of rocket attacks, terrorists, and all the other lovely things that come with having militant Muslim factions surrounding you. You would think that they would be in line for a good hand.

But no, Leah almost died after her heart stopped from a glitch in medication she was taking and ended up in a coma that she eventually came out of. But not before it affected her in a number of ways. And then Mish, (who is Leah's best friend ) gets a rare from of leukemia and as I type this is in a CICU after having to be shocked back to life while undergoing Arsenic and radiation treatment (after the first 2 rounds of chemo didn't bring on a remission). Please say a prayer for both of them if you would. Especially Mish, she could use them right now.

It just doesn't make sense to me. It doesn't seem fair. It makes me angry. Why are two nice people made to suffer such horrible things, and yet killers of women and children, rapists, terrorists and other horrible examples of the human condition remain unscathed and walking the earth healthy? Why aren't they the ones stricken with ailments and made to suffer?

Its enough to shake your faith at the very core. Or at the very least piss you off. I 've known many people who deserved suffering and punishment, and many who didn't deserve it all. But it just seems that the scales of justice are skewed. It seems like more good people suffer, and more dirtbags get a free pass. And I just don't understand it.

Then I look at the state of things here in America, and the three ring fucking circus between the two Idiots who are trying to get elected to run our country into the ground in their own special ways. On one hand you have Militant McCain, who will more than likely get us in a nasty war elsewhere in the middle east. Probably with Iran, but he'll probably also poke the Russian bear with a sharp stick too. Just like his buddy Bush has. And then on the other hand we have Buffoon Barak who is so damned socialist he should have a hammer and sickle on his campaign poster. Let him steer the ship and we'll become one big free ride for every deadbeat on the planet. Personally I can't stand either one of them. At All..

Obama is nothing more than a novelty vote, with all the rainbows, and unicorns, and naive lollipop, "we can change the world" horse shit. He'll just tax the shit out of us, send our money overseas, and smile for the camera. Sorry But not everyone gets to be an astronaut when they grow up, or go to college. That's just life. And if they really want college money they can earn it in the military, just like I did.

McCain is the poster boy for anger management classes. He's the old guard republican that will continue to ensure that our military is everywhere they shouldn't be. We'll keep playing world fucking police for everyone, sacrificing US lives doing it rather than making some of these other countries step up to the bat and stop hiding behind us. (cough, Europe, cough)

So step right up and pick your poison. The red pill or the blue pill. Either way we lose.

And believe it or or not, I'm actually an optimist.... I'm just a jaded optimist. I've been around for too many years to take all this shit at face value.

I've also decided that I can't stand bloggers who decide to write books. If they were authors before that's one thing. But I can't stand it when I read a funny or interesting blog and then all of the damn sudden it becomes a damn sales pitch and all you ever hear about is "the book", when the book is coming out, the publisher of the book, the struggle of writing the book, yada, yada, yada... And when the damn book comes out that's all you ever hear about. That and signings, and appearances and it becomes a book blog. I've dropped a number of blogs cold because of it, and I don't regret doing so. Now, I'f you're a friend that's different. But when I go to a blog for entertainment I want to be entertained, not sold a damn book..

Well this ramble has gone on long enough.. I need to get back to work.. I'll write soon.