Looking forward.. (and back a bit.)

Well, I went down and turned in all my transcripts, and other pertinent papers to an admissions counselor at the university I want to attend. I spent the better part of a day requesting official transcripts from the colleges I've attended. In short, I got off my butt and became proactive about my future. That hasn't happened in a long time. After all the dead end leads I chased down after my divorce I guess I just gave up. Well, no longer. I'm not sure what exactly lit a fire under my ass, but I'm going to do my damnedest to keep it kindled...

Now, before I break my arm patting myself on the back here, this this simply the first step of a thousand mile journey. There is a lot of work in front of me, and some tough work at that. But I'm practically giddy with anticipation. You see, this will open doors for me. Doors that I didn't think would ever open. It will allow me to get home, get another career that isn't a dead end, and do work that will be fulfilling to me. I've wanted that for a long time. The current work I do is about as interesting as watching paint dry, and all the crazy shift work every week simply grinds your spirit and health into dust. The people who have been doing it for 20 years look like bleary eyed mummies. Um, sorry, not this kid... I'm 36, and i want the next 30-40 years to be good ones filled with happiness, and fulfillment. Not acid reflux disease, high blood pressure, and stress.

It's also scary at the same time to be totally honest. Fear of failure, and of not being good enough are the standard spectres that haunt my mind most of the time. But, I know it's just my mind messing with me. I have no choice, I HAVE TO succeed. Shit, scratch that... I have to EXCEL. I'm too long in the tooth to screw this up, and there's some very important things riding on it.

I can't wait to get back home. I realize the old saying that says you can't go home again has some truth to it. And, it is definitely a changed place in comparison to what it was in 96 when I left there. But, it's where my heart is. It's the place I want to plant my flag, and stay for a long while. I had some desire to move to one of the rocky mountain states, but Texas is where I was born and something just gets in your blood because of it. It sounds weird but it's really true. Texans are fanatical about being Texans. I can honestly say that sometimes I've missed it so badly it physically hurt. Who knows maybe you just have to be one to understand the feeling. My dream is to either buy a little house with a nice pool and landscaped yard in my parents neighborhood, or get a place overlooking Canyon Lake, an 8000 acre reservoir just northeast of San Antonio that's one of my favorite places on earth. (Sigh.........)

But in the meantime, alot of work is going to have to take place for those dreams to be become real. But hopefully I can have fun during the process, after all I do have my little boat to to explore and fish with, and my liver still has a few good years in it. ( i hope! ) Shit, I might even go active in my old fraternity again and pull a little "Frank the Tank", Old School style....

Why not?