Wasting Away again in Margaritaville..

It's been over a month since I posted anything here. I've been around, but just invisible for a while. See, I've had to figure a few things out in my life. I've had to get off my ass and get some things done. I've had to face a few hard realizations about myself that i've been avoiding for a long time. Tears have been shed, a lot of long nights spent, and many martini's consumed.

So, what world changing revelations have I discovered?

I've been so busy feeling sorry for myself, and blaming others for my situation that I've made my own prison and locked myself in it. Meaning, if I had spent even half the effort being proactive about changing myself as I have on moping around, drinking too much, and living like a hermit, my life would be different right now.

I am very much my own worst enemy especially when it comes to procrastination, laziness, and all the other negative aspects of my behavior. I basically rationalize and enable myself most of the time. That has to stop, and fast.

If i had to liken my life as it is at this moment to a movie scene I would honestly say that I would be Tom Hanks character in Castaway when he finds the plastic outhouse and realizes that he really has no other option than to make a raft and escape the island. In a way, he had resigned himself to his fate there until he found the plastic wall. When he found that, it lit a fire under him and he figured that if he was going to die it was better to do so fighting to get back home, rather than just wasting away surviving. He actually summarizes all this in his soliloquy in his friends living room once he's back home.

That's what I need to do... Get back home..

I've got a phone number written on a piece paper here in front of me that may very well help me do just that. But, I've become cynical and jaded in my years here in exile.. I know better than to get my hopes up. But, I can at least give it a go and see what happens. Hell, I'm used to rejection by now, thats easy.. It would be a big leap. It would be expensive. It would be the equivalent of walking a tight rope without a net.

But I'm sick of this island...............